Instead of doing a video for each day of our vacation, I have combined many videos together. Even though this is the 3rd video from our vacation, we will call this one “in Oklahoma (part 1)
The video starts off with us arriving to Oklahoma around 11:30 at night.
As you know from reading the description (from the previous video) it had been a very emotional day for me. By the time we drove into Oklahoma City, I was so very tired and irritated. We rolled into our hotel just before 2 in the morning (Oklahoma time) and I had enough “waiting around time” to capture our sleeping host on video. You can imagine how irritated I was underneath my fake smiles and awkward laughs. This was the very thing I was trying to avoid by calling ahead of time! I told them we would be arriving around 2:15am and we even got there earlier than that too!
Oh well, we eventually got settled in and fell asleep shortly afterwards.
The next day, we met up with some of my husband’s family and visited until we couldn’t visit anymore.
The next couple of days after that are somewhat of a blur to me.
I struggled between NOT being triggered by my husband’s controlling ways and also struggled to NOT take control and try to fix things for him when he seemed lost or unsure.
I honestly felt like a teenager in the car with my other two teens. No voice, no equal say, no respect given but I had to give him all the respect… it wasn’t very fun. But it was a role I was used to. If I chose to stand up to him, then it was even more difficult for us to tolerate our time there together.
There were plenty of family members but more time DOING NOTHING in between the times we were visiting. I don’t think I was ready to spend THIS much time with him in one space, with NO distractions. I couldn’t wait to get back home.
Home… that’s a funny word.
I really would like to feel at HOME in this home that Jim has invited me back to.
But I’m not there yet.
I just keep praying that God will show me a way to inner peace.
I definitely don’t have it today and it’s been a heck of a lot of days since these videos were recorded.
Every day I just keep doing my best like this “Wanna be OK” song says:
“No one knows what goes on up inside my head
There is a new kind of poison and starting to spread
No one knows what goes on up inside my head
They don’t think I need help
But I’m scaring myself
I just want to be okay
I just want to be okay”
link to that karaoke video HERE:
https://wordpress.com/post/deslobstudent.wordpress.com/2191
On a positive note, I am glad we got the smiles captured that we did. Can you tell that we did our best to have fun? The kids and I made the best of what we had. We enjoyed swimming the most probably. I enjoyed making little videos and playing my Wizard of Oz game.
Maybe Dorothy is trying to tell me something?
Somewhere, over the rainbow,
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true!
Music: piano moment by bensound
& Antidote (I Just Want to be Ok) by Faith Marie
& Positive Motivation by purple planet
Website: https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/
Deslob Student: a vlog about learning how to be less of a slob 