Welcome to another SONG VLOG where I share a song and video LOG my life… Blogging about it in the description/blog website.
I will share my thoughts about this song and do a quick BLOG about this video after I share the words to this awesome song.
Full Lyrics:
Take care love
Dark nights can be lonely without a home
I will climb inside your fears,
Take the beatings for my own, if I’m able
Take care love
Dark nights can be lonely without a home
Dark nights can be lonely
Where did you go?
This happens every time
Can’t help but think that I’m
Chasing daylight
You’re stuck on your own
This happens every night
Can’t help but think that I’m
Chasing daylight
Take care love
Dark nights can be lonely, without a home
Dark nights can be lonely
I’m ready to go
Take a leap anytime
Just tell me when and I’m
Chasing daylight
You’re stuck on your own
This happens every night
Can’t help but think that I’m
Chasing daylight
Take care love,
Dark nights can be lonely without a home
Songwriters: Sam Duckworth / Noah Adams
Ok – now for my thoughts about this song and how it pertains to an anniversary fondue dinner for two.
Today is our anniversary, June 10th.
We’ve been married 16 years.
He didn’t get me a gift. That’s ok. I didn’t expect one.
I don’t mean to sound negative.
I’m just #speakingmytruth HERE where I feel SAFE to do so.
He did wish me Happy Anniversary before I remembered what day it was tho… that’s something positive. Right?
I was NOT looking forward to our anniversary.
It use to mean a TON to me back in the day – it was like a badge of honor for “all the things” I had to put up with. I desperately wanted acknowledgment from HIM that he appreciated all that I tolerated.
I really don’t want that badge of honor anymore.
Our anniversary means more to him than it does to me nowadays.
On this day, I felt like running away actually.
I felt like hanging out with my mom and saying SCREW JIM!
But I treated him to The Melting Pot anyway.
We had a decent time, as you can see from the video… we overpaid for melted cheese, boiled our own meat and then over-stuffed on chocolate-dipped EVERYTHING.
While some people celebrate their marriage of 16 years together, I put on a fake face and eat all the food I can shove in my face to prevent myself from falling apart… No, I’m not really “proud” of our years together.
We’ve been terrible to each other. He handed me his baggage and I took it on, willingly. Then all of a sudden I decided not to take it on anymore.
All of a sudden, I decided to get healthier.
So Yes, I would love to say “Take care love” and slam the door in his face once and for all.
Look at this lyric for example: “I will climb inside your fears,
Take the beatings for my own, if I’m able” refers to my husband’s abuse.
No, it’s not as bad as it “used to be” & he is still on his “best behavior” but he slips up every once in a while. I am having a really hard time trusting him and feeling secure in my environment.
He still throws his insecurities and fears on me and I still take them on as my own. I try to NOT take responsibility or change my plans for him but I still know that if I stand up to him, he will give me a verbal beating. Then I’ll believe I am wrong just to make him feel better… it’s all too much to take sometimes so of course, I am not always ABLE to do it.
I’d love to say “see you later” – but as I have already experienced…
DARK NIGHTS CAN BE LONELY… especially if I don’t have a HOME.
My mom’s “home” was not MY home.
I couldn’t move my children’s beds in.
I couldn’t feel RELAXED when I was there.
I couldn’t afford to keep my apartment and I couldn’t afford to move ANYWHERE else in the Phoenix Valley.
What other choices did I have to get my children back?
I would go through HELL AND BACK for my kids – so yes, I guess I CHOSE to go BACK to my husband.
Despite how he treated me at my cousin’s wedding:
https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/2022/05/14/cognitive-dissonance/
Despite how he talks down to the kids:
https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/2022/06/10/the-best-solution/
Despite how he told me he can’t trust me after confessing a huge desire of mine:
https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/2022/06/20/after-the-trip-home-trigger-warning/
Despite how he had to FOLLOW me to Vegas on June 4th.
https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/2022/07/05/a-surprise-for-mom/
I keep CHOOSING him! Why?
Because DARK NIGHTS CAN BE LONELY WITHOUT A HOME.
Despite Jim welcoming me back, I do not feel emotionally SAFE in HIS home and I can’t call it “HOME” if I don’t feel safe, can I?
I hate to say this so profoundly but I would MUCH rather be alone with my kids in my own HOME.
I also believe that God is in charge and looking out for me so I will do my best to keep on trucking. Keep on surrendering and keep on loving my husband the best that I can, DESPITE all the flaws that he has.
I surrender.
Music: Chasing daylight by NOAHFINNCE
& Positive Motivation by purple planet
Deslob Student: a vlog about learning how to be less of a slob 