[version 3] 4/13 vlog: looking for something new

This chair means a lot to me.
It’s the nicest piece of furniture that I have EVER bought for myself.
Yes, I bought it USED, YES, it even came with its own stains from random strangers at the height of the Covid pandemic… but it’s an Ethan Allen chair!

Do I deserve a nicer chair in this corner, yes.
But I’m emptying the storage unit, and I shouldn’t have to throw it out just because there is no space for it…

so Jim tossed his old chair and took a corner of the couch so that I could have a corner in the living room for MY CHAIR.

This chair symbolized making a choice FOR ME!

If you look back at the early bedroom videos of 2020, I took out the exercise equipment and replaced it with this chair – I also tore my ACL sitting down in this chair. I would do youtube videos and LIVE-streams and personal video journals here too… I took it to my apartment and hardly used it in my bedroom but it brought me comfort when I knew I was going to have to move. Because in my darkest hour, I thought of my chair in the storage unit and I knew it would be the CENTER FOCAL piece to my serenity storage unit every time I daydreamed about it.

Now I just need to get a cover for it.

As for the rest of the video, it says some good stuff… I’m not going to type it all here… let me just say, I’m catching up on my vlogs and I have more to share with you so keep watching – I will get to the “cleaning” videos soon!

Thank you again for your support!

version 1 here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp_eK8Te3n0
version 2 here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIuDYHJ_NYs

Music: Positive Motivation by purple planet
& I Choose You by Alessia Cara

Website: https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/

[version 2] 4/13 vlog: i’ve been going thru changes

This video talks about what I “truly, truly, truly” want – and if I’m being honest… I can’t commit to him 100% right now. So I will tread lightly because I want to be with my kids every day again, but I refuse to put myself into a dangerous situation where I feel trapped again.

This means I will accept my husband and all his “changes” until I don’t accept him anymore. Why? That’s because I am going through changes. I can be a respectable woman but that doesn’t mean I have to be “his” to control again. Does that make sense?

I love the lyrics, aren’t they perfect?

Honestly, we’re on ’til we’re off.

But sometimes Honesty isn’t enough.

It’s killing me to watch him go through changes and continue to reject him – so I will accept him until I don’t… that’s the best I can offer right now.

Lately, I’ve been over-exposing my inner thoughts and I hope that sharing these April 13th SONG VLOGS clears a little bit more of it up.

My mental health is the most important thing to me right now. It has to be – and without it, I am no good as a mother, employee or even a wife.

I HAVE to keep practicing self-care – now… if you stay tuned for video number 3 for April 13th, I will put a more “positive” spin on everything I am saying.

Thank you again for your awesome comments and for cheering me on, I appreciate it!

Music: and if I’m being honest by Heather Sommer
& Embrace by Sappheiros

version 1 here: https://youtu.be/sp_eK8Te3n0
version 3 here: https://youtu.be/mCZU9Cbl_JA

Website: https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/

[version 1] 4/13 vlog: taking things out of storage

If you have been watching for a while, then you will know how much of a big deal it is for me to move my stuff back into my husband’s house. And if know how much this decorated storage unit means to me then you understand why I am making a lot of emotional videos about both!

So, today, I’m going to annoy everyone with 3 versions of the same vlog, basically.

But I had SOOOOO much to share, so many songs that help elaborate my feelings much better than I ever could.

This song, however, could be a better explanation of how my husband is feeling. He never has stopped loving me, and now that I’m doing my best to hold my boundaries, it makes it hard when he’s always kissing and loving on me. He tells me things like “I can’t stop myself” and “I am so lucky to get another chance to make this work”. So when I heard this song, it helps illustrate what I’m up against, doesn’t it?

Now it’s my turn to share my feelings… yes, again – be sure to catch the other 2 versions of April 13th’s vlog.

Music: piano moment by bensound
& Positive Motivation by purple planet
& Stop Myself by Soran

Website: https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/