here’s the deal

Woah. Look what I stumbled across!

This was meeeee!

Little old ME from 2011!

December 5th 2011 (in case you didn’t catch the date) lol

Here’s the deal…
This video is NOT a “how to” video.
It’s the very beginning part of my journey to self-discovery.
It’s the “Deslob 101” part of my studies as I attempt to FIT myself in a box.
After all, NONE of us are really experts at much.
Not at first anyway. We are ALL students-of-LIFE!
And here I am… sharing my secrets and not even CONSIDERING I would share to a youtube channel.

But as I watch, I can tell I’m hurting.
Struggling to understand WHY I was the way I was.
and look at me, almost 11 years later, still learning.

I wanted so badly to be “better” – I wanted so badly for my husband (and mother-in-law) to give me the validation and praise that I was ENOUGH.

I kept thinking there was something WRONG with me.

Trying crazy calendars, strict “RULES” about what I need to do with my time. Punishments when I didn’t do what I “SHOULD” have done!

If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it would be, “STOP beating yourself up all the time Crystal. So what if you messed up on December 5th, try again on the 6th! You played “Christmas Morning” with your kids! Playing with them is sooo much more important than doing a dumb calendar (that you won’t even remember making 11 years later) so STOP TRYING SO HARD to be PERFECT. Just enjoy this time with your kids! The time you have with them is NOW, don’t waste it on feeling disappointed in yourself all the time!”

That’s what I would say.

Woah. Maybe I should say that to my NOW self too.

I know this video is long. I know it’s recorded and edited poorly.
I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But it’s part of my story.
If you watch and listen – you will learn more about my struggles from the perspective of a young mom of toddlers. You might even see glimpses of my adorable children. You will hear phrases that I mention (that I can now see in hindsight) highlight my codependency symptoms… which are also red flags of emotional abuse I was experiencing.

I have learned SOOOO much in the past decade, it’s really neat to look back on this as a “before” video and see how far I’ve come… and I’ll see how EXACTLY THE SAME I still am.

Wow. Can you picture me in the year 2033?
I wonder what I will be like in another 11 years!

Just remember Crystal… focus on the present, be mindful of the past repeating itself and as for the future, PROGRESS is the only thing that matters. NOT PERFECTION.

Music: piano moment by bensound
& Positive Motivation by purple planet

Website: https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/