my very 1st cleaning vlog

Wow – look at what I found!

LOST footage of the early days BEFORE we ever moved into this house!

It was in 2010 when I lost my job and started to feel extremely insecure as a PERSON. I didn’t have my job to define me and I didn’t feel like a good enough “housewife” because my house was ALWAYS a mess. Combined with all my husband’s negativity and controlling crap, I had ONLY my kids to keep me balanced and I had a really hard time staying afloat. This was the time frame when the negative self-talk started to take root. This is when I KNOW the depression started.

This is when I started reading Dana K White’s blog: a slob comes clean!
She really inspired me to work with the brain I have rather than punishing myself for the brain I didn’t have. I KNEW with every fiber in my bone that I wanted to journal my progress of becoming LESS of a slob… I just wasn’t sure HOW or WHERE to start.

By July of 2011, we were slowly moving into our new home. We laid flooring, painted bedrooms, and moved all the boxes & furniture in just before August started. I remember struggling to stay on task. Not knowing about my ADHD yet, I just remember trying every “trick” in the book to keep me focused on the task at hand. I created this video to help prove to myself (as well as to my husband) that I CAN be productive for long chunks of time.

Unfortunately, my battery died on this device and I lost all the footage from my other device apparently. I ended the video with an adorable moment where my husband played with the kids in Brooklyn’s “finished” bedroom.

It’s amazing to me how much of my personality has changed in the last 11 years. As you can see, this video shows a very sweet side to my personality, almost like a MASK, or facade of who I wanted to be. I wanted so badly to be the sweet wife with “no issues”. No depression, no “crazy” emotions, no dysregulations, no insecurities. So I would fake it. Fake it until I maked it!

I have a few more videos that I found from this time period that I’m going to share really soon. Let me know what you think about this one. Aren’t my kids so cute? I can’t believe how much they have grown!

Ok, that’s all for now – thanks for being here, thanks for showing your support.

Talk to you on the next video!
Bye!

Music: piano moment by bensound
& What the Hell by Avril Lavigne
& Positive Motivation by purple planet

Website: https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/