In case you aren’t aware of the situation… I left my husband (of 16 years) in 2021 because I wasn’t feeling emotionally safe in his home anymore. I wasn’t an emotionally safe person to be around either. We were always fighting… or I was always crying… so I HAD to leave. I didn’t know how, but I figured out a way and finally chose to better MY LIFE once and for all. Otherwise, I would never be able to give my children the mother they deserved.
For the last 11.5 months, I’ve been living on my own, in my own apartment – doing my best to figure things out all by myself. It’s the 1st time I’ve been on my own and I do not have a lot of confidence in myself. I rely on the community around me to get me through. I see my kids regularly as they have chosen to live with their dad primarily. They have been dividing their time every week between their 2 toxic parents, they are excited to see us improve, their relationships with their Dad have also gotten better ever since “Mom left”.
Now that I have to move out of the apartment, I am not sure what I’m going to do with my future. I miss my kids and want to be in their lives daily. If we didn’t have therapists to help guide us through this, I don’t know where we’d be. Probably going through a bitter divorce.
Forgiving someone after domestic violence is essential for healing but it isn’t easy. My husband and I have been working on ourselves and we’ve been healthier. We’re also talking about reuniting and there’s a possibility that I will move back in with him. But I’m not sure if that’s what I want, nor if that is what is healthiest for my children.
So I start off this video feeling a lot of grief. Plus I’m conflicted about what I want. I also felt abandoned by a work friend who said they would help me move stuff into my storage unit today. I not only want to store stuff there, I also created a “safe space” to help me with this transition of letting go of my apartment. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry about having to move. I don’t want to move in with my mom, I won’t want to move back in with my husband – I don’t wanna move at all!
That’s where the song (plus hyper-speed video) starts… taking you on a journey between my feelings while also showing you that I’m doing my best to move forward anyway.
The end to this video is obvious… I ended up calling my husband and giving him my burdens… he gladly offered to help me move my cube storage OUT of the apartment and into the storage unit.
Strange, right? Because he has YET to step foot into the apartment. So I made sure to enlist Brooklyn’s help and together we got the cube shelves OUT of the apartment. We then drove together and once he arrived to the storage unit, he let us finish it up. He helped us get the items down from his truck bed but stayed with Rylee while Brooklyn and I took the cube shelves into my new “safe space”.
Stay tuned for more videos as I vlog & blog my REAL LIFE DRAMA, mixed with cleaning videos and lyrics that inspire me to speak my truth.
I am a DV survivor and I will get through this.
Music: piano moment by bensound
& Positive Motivation by purple planet
& Howl by Jake Houlsby
Website: https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/
Deslob Student: a vlog about learning how to be less of a slob 