i’m gonna jam out…

I have been obsessed, no – scratch that…
I have been IN LOVE with this song by Dodie.

I sing it allll the time, I memorized the lyrics
and I even recorded myself jamming out to it on more than 1 occasion.

Yes – this video is all over the place, just be grateful I didn’t include the several other versions that I did, or put the song on loop with each occasion that I recorded it.

I had fun editing this video too.

Listening to the lyrics over and over again is like saying my new found mantra over and over again…

“hack it that I hate you so that I can let go”

that to me is the most PRECISE lyric for my life.

Why?

You see, my husband is a computer guy.
And what are most computer guys “known” for?

Hacking into things, making “magic” happen.
Right?
Well, I don’t know about you – but I relate to Dodie’s agony where she is trying to get over this person in her life that has a strong hold on her heart and I suppose it’s been 2 years for her too, based on the opening line alone.

Well, it was 2 years ago that I attempted to disconnect from my husband and have been doing my best to be my OWN person. But I SWEAR, he has some sort of CURSE on me and I need some sort of MAGIC I suppose to forget about him and LET HIM GO!

I don’t think that means I need to divorce him, but I defiantly wish I could make decisions based on MY NEEDS and MY WANTS instead of always being so fearful of upsetting him or hurting him.

My codependency has been challenged greatly ever since I moved back in with him and I sometimes don’t feel like I have a chance to BREATHE my own thoughts, let alone my own decisions.

So when I sing silly songs like this – I am not only being goofy and cheering myself up, but I am also singing a secret wish for some magical way where he can hack into my brain and do something so awful that it forces me to let go of him once and for all.

At the end of the day, I have a lot of love and commitment to my marriage and I really don’t know what I’m doing except trying to survive another day.

sniff sniff cryyyy… 😥

that’s enough of that!
Man Crystal – you’re such a HOT MESS!

now let’s replay the song and dance again!

Here are the lyrics – let me know what you think!

Hot Mess Lyrics
[Verse 1]
Now what, my darling? Two years have passed
God, twenty-seven, still cryin’ in cars
Stop planning our lives on things that haven’t been said
We’re not dead

[Pre-Chorus]
Waitin’ for the
Count down, happy birthday
Dry heave, I am not okay
Brain rot in a pretty dress
I’m a hot mess
Wake up, do the same thing
Break up, then we’re dancing
Why am I so alright to do it again and again?

[Chorus]
I can’t fight it, you try drivin’
Exit to the end in sight, dear
Make it ugly, put on a show
Hack it that I hate you so that I can let go

[Verse 2]
One more reunion (One more)
And goodbye again (Goodbye again)
Oh God, I’d be lying if I didn’t want ten
Stop drafting replies to things that haven’t been said
Hе’s not dead

[Pre-Chorus]
Still waitin’ for the
Count down, happy new year
Don’t know, I am still unclear
Where’d I go? Take a fuckin’ guess
I’m a hot mess
Wake up, do the same thing
Break up, then we’re dancin’
Why am I so alright to do it again and again?

[Chorus]
I can’t fight it, you try drivin’
Exit to the end in sight, dear
Make it ugly, put on a show
Hack it that I hate you so that I can let go

Let me let go

Let me let go

Music: Hot Mess by dodie
& Positive Motivation by purple planet

Website: https://deslobstudent.wordpress.com/